


Pieces; lost and found again

by EbbaTriesToWrite



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hopeful Ending, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Loss, Nile Freeman Week, Nile Freeman-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:28:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26409526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EbbaTriesToWrite/pseuds/EbbaTriesToWrite
Summary: At least Andy’s death was expected. It didn’t ease the pain, but it wasn’t as excruciating as the others. She wasn’t ripped out of Nile’s life without a warning but it definitely took a piece out of her, one that she knew she wouldn’t ever get back.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Nile Freeman & Everyone
Comments: 11
Kudos: 70





	Pieces; lost and found again

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt: Death

At least Andy’s death was expected. It didn’t ease the pain, but it wasn’t as excruciating as the others. She wasn’t ripped out of Nile’s life without a warning but it definitely took a piece out of her, one that she knew she wouldn’t ever get back. 

Quynh was the next one, only a few years later. Nile likes to think it was destiny granting her mercy out of a too painful existence, she’d gone through too much for her to have to suffer with the loss of the love of her life. It still hurt, but the thought was a small comfort. 

Joe and Nicky took it the hardest and they left her, needing to grieve on their own because she just couldn’t understand the agony they were going through. She didn’t hold it against them and they expressed their deepest regrets when they returned to her. 

A few more decades passed and they reunited with Booker. They thought he was doing better despite the delayed grieving he had to go through over the women they lost. It was oddly therapeutic, to take care of him during it, but it was still very hard. 

Nile had come to realise that a lot of things in this life were hard. 

After Quynh’s death they had wrongly assumed that their time would come in the order of their age - even though they knew that wasn’t how it worked, the story of Lykon wasn’t forgotten. But Nile and Booker were still so young, at least in their measurements of time. Nicky had been so terrified each time Joe died and the rest of them felt the terror as well, not as deeply as the two lovers of course, but they still felt it. 

And then one day, after a successful mission, they woke up and Booker was nowhere to be found. It wasn’t uncommon that one of them took off on their own every once in a while but they always let the others know beforehand. They went looking for him and it was like he’d disappeared without a trace. That is, until they saw the news of a John Doe being found in a ditch, a persumed suicide. 

It was with dread in their hearts that they broke into the morgue and even before they opened the cooler locker and pulled out the slab, they knew what they’d find. His body was pale and Nile thinks she should have focused on the bullet wound in his head but her eyes had fixated on the small cut on his upper arm. She remembers that he’d flinched as he’d been cut during the mission but she hadn’t realised it hadn’t healed. 

Booker must have though, and it broke all of their hearts. They really had thought he’d been happier, more willing to actually  _ live _ despite all the pain and darkness within him. Another piece of Nile was ripped out of her and the only relief was the fact that he wasn’t suffering any longer. 

She learnt that the only way to make it through loss was to focus on the small blessings. It didn’t erase it, but it made it more bearable. 

One of those blessings was that Nicky and Joe died at the same time, taken out by an explosion. Nile didn’t want to imagine what the two of them would have become without the other and she tried to focus on that even as she drank herself to death over and over and  _ over _ again. She was just so alone and needed something to numb the pain. 

She felt empty and hollow, each of their deaths had taken something out of her very being and she had once thought she could get through anything on her own. The others had so often called her strong. But after everything, she felt incredibly weak. 

And then one night, after a three day bender, she woke up gasping. She felt bruises that weren’t hers and fear more intense than she’d ever felt before and she realised, she wasn’t alone anymore. 

She found her in India and as soon as they locked eyes and it was like a piece was slotted back into place. It wasn’t a replacement of the pieces she’d lost, but it made her know that she was no longer alone, she was going to be whole once again. She would be okay. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think! 
> 
> Also! Pls come talk to me on Tumblr (I need friends):  
> [EbbaTriesToWrite](https://ebbatriestowrite.tumblr.com/)  
> 


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